Joy
I have a question. How can I experience joy when my life isn’t joyful? For the past two years, my husband has been dealing with aggressive metastatic prostate cancer. My heart breaks when I see him in pain. Our lives are turned upside down not only by Covid, but by cancer. We’ve canceled four trips, we’ve had up to eight doctor appointments in a week, the trial he was in at UCSF was canceled because it didn’t work for him. He’s on his second round of chemo. If he’s not downstairs by a certain time in the morning, I head upstairs to be sure he’s breathing.
So, I’ve been thinking about joy. I began this joy journey journal several weeks ago when I realized I was waking up feeling sad each morning. I remembered the verse “Joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5b) and decided to say that verse each night as I was going to sleep and start the morning with that reminder. That verse reminded me of other verses I’ve used to remind myself of God’s daily care and love for us. God’s mercies are new each morning (Lamentations 3:22,23); God gives us our daily bread (Matthew 6:11); God’s grace is sufficient (I Corinthians 12:9). So that is how I’m starting my days now – remembering with gratefulness that joy, mercy and grace are available to me each new morning, and God gives me my daily bread (the sustenance I need for this day).
As I’ve reflected on joy, I recalled the verse where Jesus tells his disciples during that last meal they shared together before his crucifixion, “I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be full” (John 15:11). Jesus knows what is going to happen the following day, yet he is a non-anxious presence with his disciples, focusing on them rather than being filled with anxiety about what is going to happen the next day, and he talked to them about joy. I’m thinking that would not be my focus if I knew I was going to die an excruciating death tomorrow. Then in Hebrews 12:2, we’re told that Jesus endured the cross for the joy that was set before him. When he was in agony on the cross he was recognizing that the end result would be joy. So maybe there’s a place to be joyful in the core of our being no matter what’s coming in our future, and when we’re in the middle of a very difficult time to look towards the joy that will come.
As I discussed this with my friends and family, one reminded me of the verse “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10). The joy that we receive from the Lord gives us strength in time of pain and grief.
So this is where I am right now in my reflection on joy. The joy that is available to me deep in my core isn’t dependent on outward circumstances. There is a way to experience the joy of the Lord even in the midst of sadness, grief, anger, hopelessness and all those difficult emotions we encounter. The joy of the Lord gives us strength to endure those heartbreaking times in our lives. I also know that I will not always experience joy, that my effort to live into this life of joy at my core will fall short, that when sadness and grief overwhelm me, I may not remember that Jesus offers me joy in the depth of my being. But in the midst of it all, I am very grateful to God for grounding me in this promise, and I am very grateful for those times I am able to experience this soul-deep joy.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as your trust is in God, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Overflow with hope? Hmm, let me reflect on that …
Lynn Viale