Someone asked me recently how it is to have a whole congregation of people who I am responsible for caring for in a variety of ways, particularly when some of the people are experiencing deep pain. My response was to say that one of the things I love about being a pastor is that I get to experience the whole gamut of life with people from births to baptisms, to birthdays, to illnesses, to accidents, to deaths, to retirements, to graduations, and to anniversaries. Part of what I love about being a pastor is that at any given time and almost all of the time there is a beautiful mixture of joy and sorrow, growth and loss. What a privilege it is to be walking with dear people through the various hills and valleys of life.
That was my answer on Thursday. On Sunday when I stood up to preach, I found myself viscerally feeling the pain of so many whose faces I could see looking at me, waiting for some word of comfort or hope. Most Sundays I am fairly articulate in my preaching and it comes from a deeply held place in me. Yesterday was no different except that I found myself being acutely aware of how much I wanted my words to matter. Everything in me wanted to be the comfort that I could see was needed by so many sitting in the pews. Sometimes what I really want to do on a Sunday morning is circle everyone up, sing some songs, pray and have everyone look into someone else’s eyes and then exchange hugs. Sometimes it seems like words are as inadequate as tennis shoes on ice. Sometimes I want to fill the baptismal font with water and have people come up and gather around and remind people of their belovedness by sprinkling or splashing or dabbing water on them. Sometimes I want there to be a full meal at the communion table and to have people just come up and sit down and stay awhile. Sometimes I just want to light 1000 candles and sit in silence.
The best part about being a pastor is that the one thing I am sure I can count on each Sunday is that if I show up with an open heart and remember that I am not God, the Spirit shows up and takes us all where she will and it’s exactly where we needed to go.