Do you remember being a teenager? It seems adults fall into two categories usually. Either we have done our best to try and forget what it was like being a teenager and leaving it all in the past or we spend too much time trying to re-live those days despite being many years past them. I am in the former category. When I left home at age eighteen, I was happy to leave behind my hometown as well as my years as a teenager. Compared to many teenagers, I had a fairly easy time of it. Though I was not part of the cheerleader/football player crowd, I was involved in some fun and exciting things. I played three sports and I was the star in one of the sports, I was heavily involved in youth leadership for the state of California, and I had adult mentors who really cared about me. Despite all that I had going for me, I remember having very few moments where I felt like I was completely in my skin. Do you remember that feeling?
Last evening I spent some time with the youth of our church. They range in age from 12 to 18. As I listened to them talk about what brought them to youth group and why they stay, I was struck again by what a dichotomy youth are in their very nature. They are kids and they are growing up. When they talked about what makes youth group fun, I heard that dichotomy so well articulated. They like to play crazy, wild games where they run around and scream and get to act as silly as they want to act. They also like to have discussions about life and some very serious issues. They love living in the moment and they are also concerned for their futures. They want to be grown up and they love acting like kids! It was interesting to hear their favorite thing about youth group is the retreats. On the retreat they experience a safe, intimate environment in which they have open and honest discussion, they get to know each other really well and they get to play – and all of that happens without their parents around.
Now more than ever I think churches have a unique opportunity to offer youth authentic community and spiritual growth. By spiritual growth I do not mean “learning what the adults believe.” Instead, I mean genuinely cultivating a sense of Spirit in them that will help them navigate through the tricky waters of youth and young adulthood. If we only offer them fun and games, we are letting them down. At the same time, if we try to get them to be more serious than they are, we are also letting them down. Our call is to invite them to a deeper place spiritually and to help them experience that play is an important part of one’s spiritual life.
One of our former youth group members is a freshman on the UC Berkeley volleyball team. My wife and I went to watch a game last Friday night in support of this particular young woman. After just a few minutes, we were completely into the game waving our pom poms and screaming for the bears. We were astounded at how many people our age and older were at the game and doing the same thing! If they are parents of the players, it makes sense. But who were all of the others and why were they there? No matter how grown up we are it seems we all have a need now and then to be like kids or youth again. It felt better than I thought it would to be a part of the cheering crowd and for a minute it did take me back to my old playing days. I remembered what it felt like to go from being a star on my high school team to being a second string player on my college team. That first year was very difficult as I started over trying to live in my skin again.
If you know someone in middle school or high school or college, reach out to them in some way in the coming weeks and let them know you are thinking of them and that you remember it’s not easy being young. As the news reports yet another suicide of a gay teenager, may our churches do more to reach out to youth and let them know they are welcome and provide places of safety and love.