For decades I have watched women who were older than me make their journeys through menopause. As someone who is tall and lean, I am cold more than I am warm so when older women would break out in a sweat and complain, I remember thinking, “If only I could have a hot flash – at least I’d be warm.” When my wife would have a hot flash during the night and kick off the covers, I remember thinking, “Now that’s a little dramatic, isn’t it? It can’t be that bad…” Some of the women I have known have had much more severe symptoms as well. Migraines, insomnia, irritability, joint pain, and even depression are a few I have witnessed. Some women are barely recognizable as they go through menopause.
Instead of being a mere observer, I am now being sucked slowly into the vacuum of menopause. The picture I have of myself is that I am grabbing on to every possible sturdy structure trying to stay on this side of it rather than being sucked in completely and irreversibly. I am only 48 years old and it sure seems to me as if it could be kind enough to wait a few years before bidding me to join those who have gone before me. As a person who is fairly spiritually attuned and who has spent more than 20 years trying to walk with others so that they might be more spiritually attuned as well, I am intrigued by how one maintains a spiritual life in the midst of what could be perceived as the “demon” menopause. Many women are like me in that they have worked hard to create a life with loving relationships, meaningful work, intentional parenting, gracious service, and deep friendships. There is a great deal of intention and, in some respects, control that goes into creating such a life. And then right in the midst of such a marvelous canvas, the “gods” throw paint every which way and create chaos. I’m pretty sure that’s an accurate description of menopause for many women. So what’s the spiritual part?
Rumi’s poem titled “The Guest House” is perhaps the best description I have found of how one can focus on one’s spirituality while in the midst of the chaos created by menopause. The first line is “This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.” Isn’t that the truth? He goes on to say, “A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice. meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes. because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” As with so many things spiritual, it sounds way easier than it is in reality. Sure, go ahead, welcome that migraine or that sleepless night or that depression or that feeling that you want to ring someone’s neck and aren’t really sure why. And while you’re at it, be sure to welcome the thought that God must have really given in to Adam’s whining about Eve “making” him eat the apple, or else surely God would have given the menopause experience to both men and women. If women are going to welcome the “guests” of menopause, then perhaps all spouses of women should be trained in how to also welcome those guests since if one person is welcoming and the other is not, it will definitely change the experience!
As a woman preacher, I am tempted to preach a sermon on what a simple hot flash feels like so we can all be on the same spiritual page. It’s one thing to try to love God and self and neighbor when all is well. It’s another to try to love God and self and neighbor when one second it feels as if your skin is on fire and the next second it feels as if you’ve been dunked in a pool of ice water. Welcome each new arrival as an unexpected visitor…oh that part is easy because it sure is unexpected when it comes. Right in the middle of church, right in the middle of a business meeting, right in the middle of job interview, right in the middle of a party, right in the middle of a serious conversation, you name it and it comes right in the middle. Welcome and entertain a hot flash? Are you kidding me? For just one day, women all over the world would like men to have to entertain that particular guest – the one that makes you want to shed all of your clothing in the midst of whatever is happening and then makes you want to put on a parka as soon as it’s over. For so long men have been under the mistaken impression that they are calmer, more level headed, more emotionally stable than women. I beg to differ. Let them have one night of hot flashes and then let’s see what happens around the world the next day. But I digress…
Rumi’s words are words to take to heart no matter what “condition” we are in at the moment. Maybe there is a way to convert the energy from a hot flash into spiritual energy. Maybe there is a way to be reminded of the Holy Spirit who is fire and light every time we feel like our skin is on fire. Maybe there is a way to notice what comes up in us when we are lacking in sleep and comfort and hold those before God and ask to be loved as we are, hot or cold. I will say one thing I have noticed is how wondrously strong women are on the other side of menopause. Maybe welcoming these guests one by one gives women a sense of being able to change the world and themselves. I am watching and waiting and hoping that if I welcome them and honor them I, too, will be forever changed. Off to get some sleep…