Friends,
On Tuesday I came to the realization that I need a better, theologically-grounded, spirituality for when things don’t work. I’m not talking about tragedy, devastation or major disaster, I just mean the kind of garden variety malfunction that can suck both time and joy from one’s life.
I had ordered a new desk for my office because the desk I’ve been using for the last seven years actually is a table and, because eldest child is moving into an apartment and needs furniture, my desk will return to its intended purpose in the manse dining room replacing the current table that soon will be living somewhere near California State University Long Beach.
Online I found a lovely desk inspired by mid-century modern nostalgia and it arrived Tuesday morning in a box that looked like it had fallen off a flatbed truck several times and maybe was dragged through parts of Nevada on its way to Oakland. The package opened a little bit too easily, but all of the parts were still there, and it wasn’t very hard to assemble. Once the whole thing was put together, I noticed that one corner of the desktop was smashed and splintered.
So, I got out my phone to take photos of the damage in order to start the process of getting a replacement desk, and just as I finished taking the first photo my phone reverted to its original and intended purpose by ringing to let me know that my wife was trying to get ahold of me. “Oh good”, I thought as I answered the phone, “Anne is sympathetic and kind; she won’t mind if I complain a bit about this stupid desk”.
“You are not going to like the subject of this phone call”, she said before I could mention my defective office furniture. “I’m in the Trader Joe’s parking lot, and the car won’t start.” Those of you who heard my sermon on Sunday know that we own a fairly unreliable, twenty year old Honda Civic, but this was our other car, the one that is supposed to start, especially when there are melting groceries in the trunk. [Update: the mechanic thinks we need a new fuel pump].
Things kept not working. I couldn’t get the photos of my damaged desk to air drop to my computer and I couldn’t get Google Drive to re-install on my phone so I could transmit the photo using an alternate technology. And when I started cooking dinner, I realized I didn’t have a couple of key ingredients. It was one of those days.
I know that some people are able to find God in every situation. A friend and colleague of mine once claimed that while stuck in Bay Area traffic he used the extra time to pray, and maybe he could have found some kind of Holy Joy in the day I had on Tuesday. But I’m not there yet.
There’s a part of me that is inclined to feel ashamed of my being frustrated over things not working. After all, I have a desk and a car and a cell phone and food in the pantry. A broken desk, a car that won’t start, electronic devices that won’t function as designed, a lack of ingredients: these are all first world problems, no?
Then I remembered that before moving to Oakland I spent ten years living in one of San Jose’s most economically disadvantaged neighborhoods, and when I was a teenager I spent a year living in Santo Domingo, and I know that the farther you get from say, Piedmont, the more likely it is that things won’t work. A spirituality for when things don’t work would be a good thing for just about everyone living on the planet.
So, I hope someday someone will introduce me to a good theologically-grounded spiritual practice that helps me find God when things don’t work. Maybe I need to breathe with greater intention. Maybe I need to get rid of more stuff so that I’ll have fewer malfunctioning items to worry about, maybe I need to drink more chamomile tea. I don’t know, but I’m sure some other wise person does, and I’m eager for any wisdom they may impart.
God’s Peace,
Ben