Friends,
On Sunday we had the first in a three week series of conversations that are looking at transgender issues and the Church. It was a powerful class led by Rev. Janie Spahr and Rev. Kathy Ray. Both Janie and Kathy were informative, inspirational, and warm as they guided us through an encounter with material that is new to most of us, confusing to some of us, and beneficial to all of us.
Toward the beginning of the class session the participants were invited to shout out our ideas about what it means to be male and female, and as I listened to the collective descriptions of gender in America, I was struck by how many of the ways we talk about gender are based upon negative stereotypes and oppressive expectations that our culture has curated and has given to us as a multi-generational burden. While I sincerely doubt that anyone in the room actually embraced such negative and oppressive descriptors for gender—and, indeed positive adjectives were also presented for both men and women—still, the negative images and stereotypes were the first to be mentioned.
As I looked at the list of words used to describe masculinity, I had to admit that being a man didn’t seem like a very good idea, and the description of femininity was, if anything, even less appealing. And yet, there we were, talking (among other things) about people who, despite negative stereotypes and cultural baggage, long for the opportunity to identify as male (despite having been born with female physiology) or female (despite having been born with physical traits that are male).
All of this got me thinking: what if I were to choose to be male? What if—learning from the experience of my brothers who are trans—I didn’t let biological factors dictate my masculine identity but instead chose being a man as an affirmation of who truly I am? What would my chosen masculinity look like? What traits would I incorporate into my chosen gender identity?
Chances are that if I—like trans-men—actually chose to be a man, the masculinity I chose and an affirmation of my true self would look nothing like the negative stereotypes and oppressive expectations articulated by American Culture. My masculinity would be gentler and less entitled than stereotypes imagine; it would be strong without being violent, and wise without mansplaining. My masculinity would never be threatened by femininity; it would recognize the urgent necessity of gender equality. A chosen masculinity would put away insecurity and embrace a deep-rooted connection to the earth and a joyous affiliation with people of goodwill in every part of the world.
So this will be my spiritual task for the next season of my life: I’m not going to let my male identity be a given. I’m going to choose manhood by embracing the kind of masculinity that will make me a better person and will strengthen the family, the community, the church, and the world I love so much.
God’s Peace,
Ben