People keep asking me how it feels to be fifty! Aside from receiving my first piece of mail from AARP which terrified me, it feels great. One cannot help but pause when turning 50 to take stock of mind, body and spirit. Mind? Seems to be churning along just fine and I can actually still retain information, dates and names. Not bad! Body? A bit annoying now and then (all week I have had a twitch in my left eye and in one of my left fingers…a sign of being 50?), but mostly healthy, still active, and cooperative most of the time. Spirit? Solid. What a long, windy and tumultuous journey it has been but the reward is feeling solid in spirit. My deepest feeling this week (aside from a tiny bit of self-pity since I insisted on not doing anything big to celebrate my birthday) has been gratitude. I honestly think I have a view of life that few people get to see. Allow me to describe it.
From the time I was 28 years old, I have been a pastor in a variety of churches across the United States. In my role as pastor, I have had the privilege of knowing everyone from infants to 98 (one of my current congregation members who was at church this morning is 98!) and even older. They are not people I have observed from afar or seen on movies or at family gatherings. These are people I have known. For more than 2 decades I have watched up close how people age. They have shared with me what they like about aging, what they don’t like about aging and all of the ways they are consciously denying their aging. Can you imagine what that view has been like for me? The people I have known cover a broad spectrum of those who have aged well and those who have not aged well. Some of the most amazing people I have met and been close to have been people over the age of 70. I did not have the privilege of knowing my own grandparents very well so it has always been people in my congregations who have shown me how to be an older person who is engaged, growing, learning, and ready for the next adventure. There have certainly been some who have had terrible afflictions that have impacted their abilities but never stopped them from aging with grace. Others have had every privilege given to them in life and never mastered the art of living in a way that keeps one growing rather than shrinking in mind and spirit.
Honestly, sometimes I think I am the luckiest 50 year old around. For 22 years I have had a steady stream of saints who have lived honestly in front of me and shown me how to live until one’s very last breath. The view from here is spectacular. Every time I think about being 50, I bring to my mind the picture of any number of these saints. 72. 76. 63. 88. 98. 92. 85. 83. 82. 74. 79. 89. 75. I just hope those behind me are able to look at me in the same ways as they watch me get older year by year. Thank you to every saint I have known who has shown me how to age with the grace of a gazelle and the fierceness of a tigress.