For two years now I have served as Interim Head of Staff at Montclair Presbyterian Church in Oakland. When I was interviewing for the position, the Interim Search Committee was telling me there is a wide diversity of theology among those in the congregation. My response was to smile politely and nod my head in understanding because, after all, I was somewhat familiar with the congregation. In hindsight, I had no idea what they were really saying! What I heard them say was instantly filtered through the lens of my own experiences in a variety of churches at that point. Diversity? Sure, I know diversity…I am so appreciative now of how honest they were being then about who they really are as a congregation.
This wonderfully creative, sharply intelligent, deeply spiritual, amazingly artistic group of people are far more diverse than any congregation I have served in my 21 years of ordained ministry. One of the first inklings of their theological diversity came up related to prayer. Right after I arrived, I began visiting with some of the older people in the church who were either not able to get to church or who were hospitalized. It is second nature to me to pray for someone with whom I am visiting and so I was surprised when some of the people I was visiting asked me not to pray! They explained that prayer was not meaningful for them or they simply didn’t believe in it. This happened several times in the first couple of months and I realized that prayer was not many of them were used to experiencing. As I did with many other topics, I started asking people what their experience with prayer was in the congregation. The majority of people said they are uncomfortable praying themselves and many people said they are simpy uncomfortable with prayer as a practice because it seems too much like magical thinking.
As I was listening to various thoughts and opinions about prayer, I was also hearing that the congregation was feeling disconnected from one another and they were missing their feeling of connectedness and community. After talking with the Celebration Committee (the committee responsible for overseeing all aspects of worship), I began doing “Prayers of the People” during the Sunday service. For weeks afterward, there were several people who came out of the service with tears in their eyes who said they were so moved by the prayers. There were also people who came out expressing their discomfort and the fact that when we do the prayers, the service takes more time. The criers outweighed those who were uncomfortable. I prefaced the prayer time by saying something about community life and how important it is for us to share our joys and concerns with one another so we can pray for each other during the week. It took some time to include those who were reticent to share, but over time many people have participated in sharing their joys and concerns. Almost instantly, the community felt more connected because they were hearing what was going on for people.
The struggle with prayer continues to be about what we think we are doing. When someone asks us to pray for their friend with cancer, do we think God is going to cure that person of cancer? Is that how we pray? Recently someone asked for prayer for a friend who is pregnant with triplets and having complications. I wanted with all my being to pray for the safety and health of those babies and the mother, but when I actually prayed for her I asked that she receive the best care that can be offered and that God would be with the babies and the parents and provide them with what they need. When someone who does not like the prayer time was expressing concern about what we are doing, I asked the person to pay careful attention to what we were saying. “If you hear me engaging in magical thinking, please let me know because that would be helpful feedback. I think what I am doing is asking God to give each person enough strength for each day to handle whatever comes. It sounds different for each person and situation but I think that’s usually how I pray. There might be the exceptional moment when I feel stirred to pray for a miracle and I usually know when that happens.” Are we supposed to pray conservatively or with abandon?
I find I continue to walk a fine line with my own understanding of prayer. On the one hand, I am one of those people who believes deeply that all things are possible. On the other hand, I have had some harsh experiences in which I understand that God does not often intervene in the natural course of life. What is also true is that prayer encompasses much more than what we do on Sunday mornings in community. A great deal of prayer is about listening and discerning from day to day. My hope is that I have been able to model a relationship with prayer and God that is not wrapped up and tied neatly in a bow but is more like shredded newspaper stuffed in the cracks of a wailing wall with deep hopes and longings and fears expressed all at the same time. May it be so.