Graduation ceremonies began in mid-May and will continue through mid-June for a variety of schools across the nation. Graduation is a time of transition. It implies not just finishing with a grade or a whole level of study, but in most cases movement to a new institution or, in some cases, a whole new life. By its very nature, graduation is a time of immense change. While some people thrive on change, many people become very anxious in the face of change. Have you ever thought about how and why people relate to change the way they do?
We have two daughters. One is in many ways a typical older child and the other is in many ways a typical younger child. Usually, the firstborn children are more into stability and control while the youngest born children are known for their adaptability, flexibility and for taking a much more winding path in life. In the case of our two daughters, we have discovered that our firstborn is adventuresome, loves travel and deals well with change. Our youngest born daughter is more of a home body, does not have a strong desire to travel and becomes very anxious in the face of change.
Where are you in the birth order of your family? How do you find yourself responding or reacting to change? Anyone who has ever been a part of a group or organization or community of some kind has experienced the various ways people relate to changes and transitions. Oftentimes we find ourselves feeling tossed about by the impact others have on us when change is in the air.
Overall, I think I am someone who weathers change and transition fairly well. While I don’t seek it for the sake of thrills (there are some people who thrive on the adrenaline that comes from complete upheaval), I think I do have the basic assumption that change is good and often leads to growth and new relationships and an expansion of one’s worldview. Having walked with many people who do not feel the same way, I empathize with those who do not adapt easily or quickly to new people or environments or experiences.
In the past couple of weeks I have wondered if how we relate to change and transition has something to do with our overall worldview. Does it boil down to whether or not we see the glass as half empty or as half full? Or is there something more complicated going on? If we are optimists, are we better able to adapt to change? If we are pessimists, are we less able to adapt to change? That trail of thinking leads me to a connected trail which is to wonder how we become optimists or pessimists in the first place. How is that parents who are optimists end up having children who are pessimists? Surely you know some of those combinations.
One of our daughters tends toward pessimism and we have talked at great length with her about it. She has said she thinks she is that way because of experiencing some deep disappointments when she was younger (wanting something she ended up not getting and being “promised” things that never materialized). Her explanation of this is that now she prefers to think negatively about something and then be pleasantly surprised if it goes better than anticipated instead of thinking something will go well and then be disappointed. We have explained on many an occasion that there is power in what she thinks and how she thinks in terms of the outcome and we have also pointed out that living in constant anticipation of disappointment may not be the most fun way to live life.
One of the best parts of making a transition is being able to choose what to leave behind and what to take with you on your new path. My prayer for all who are graduating and making various kinds of transitions this year is that you will choose wisely what “baggage” you will leave behind and what you will take with you on your journey.