A few weeks ago on NPR’s Story Corps, there was a story told by a young man in his early 30’s who grew up in rural Kentucky. Nathan Hoskins said he knew from an early age that he was gay. He did all he could to hide it from his mother. When he was in the sixth grade he met another boy who wasn’t interested in girls. One day the boy told Nathan he had made a Valentine’s card for him. Nathan asked if he could see it and the boy said it was so special he had mailed it to Nathan’s home. All the way home on the bus Nathan was terrified knowing that his mother was the one who usually got the mail. He tried to think of how he could convince her it wasn’t a real Valentine.
When he arrived home, his mother was waiting on the porch with the Valentine in her hand. He could see the little hearts all over the outside of it and his mother asked if he had read it yet. He did all he could to convince her that he had not asked for the card and that he didn’t want to read it. His mother led him into the house, got her shotgun, loaded it in front of him, handed it to him and then told him to get into the back of the car.
She drove him into the middle of nowhere and pulled the car over. She had him get out of the car and led him into the woods. She had him stand by a tree and put the shotgun up to his head. She then told him that if any son of hers decided to be a “faggot” this is exactly the tree she would bring him to in order to blow his head off.
Nathan said from then on he did everything he could to hide who he was and he turned into a good liar. He married a woman and was married for 9 years before he divorced his wife. Not long after that, he came out. He didn’t talk with his mom much about what happened in the woods that day but after he came out he asked her about it. His mom laughed about it and Nathan said he wanted her to say just one time that it was terribly wrong. Even though his mom acknowledged doing it, she could never say it was wrong. Eventually, Nathan cut off contact with his family in order to preserve himself.
Can you imagine the pain he endured and still endures? He was 10 or 11 years old when his mom threatened to blow his head off if were to “decide” to be gay. I can’t imagine his terror, given that he couldn’t be anything but gay. No child should ever have to be afraid of who they are, not ever.
While his story sounds extreme, it may not be as extreme as we think. What about the kids who grow up in conservative churches who are told they will burn in hell if they are gay? Is that any less scary than having your head blown off? The church community that is supposed to love you no matter what and help nurture you becomes the community that threatens you with hellfire? God can be portrayed as scarily as any of the scariest monsters to serve a particular theology. No wonder so many gay kids grow up into adults who want nothing to do with the church or with the God used against them.
My hope is to continue serving with churches like this one who offer a glimpse of God that is healing rather than terrifying. God created each person in God’s image and that includes those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning or intersex. Did I miss anyone?! We need to disarm those who spew hate and homophobia and heterosexism before we lose more of God’s children.