When I was in seminary one of my best friends experienced the death of her father as a result of Hodgkins’ Lymphoma. We were both in our mid-twenties which was way too young to be losing a father. At that time in my life I had not yet lost a close family member. After we were back at school together following his death and the service, I asked my friend what her grief felt like since I hadn’t experienced it. She described it to me like this:
“Grief, at least this grief for my dad, feels like the ocean. Sometimes it’s as if the waves come one after another crashing over me and I can barely catch my breath. At other times, the waves seem to be more spread out and they seem to come more evenly and I see them coming and I can breathe through them. What surprises me is when some time passes with no waves at all and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, a wave comes from nowhere and knocks me flat again. That is as close as I can get to describing what it feels like. I am hoping that with the passage of time, the waves will get fewer and farther between and eventually will roll over me instead of knocking me over.”
I have never forgotten her description of grief and as I have now lost two parents (fortunately I have five parents total), I have found her description to be quite accurate. If you are someone who is experiencing grief, whether it is from a while ago or brand new, it helps if you can reach out and grab someone’s hand when the waves come crashing over you. None of us needs to go through grief alone.
One of the beautiful things about community is that we have people who can share our grief and share our joy. If you are not a part of a regular community, we invite you to come and join with us at Montclair Presbyterian Church. We’d be glad to walk with you through your joys and your grief.