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Grieving Together

OfrendaI feel lucky since I had two opportunities to celebrate All Saint’s Day at our ofrenda in the sanctuary. Once was in the morning with the adults of the congregation. It was bright, sunny, and even fun, especially when I spent time with the youngest children who were irresistibly drawn to the candles on the table. I hope that with a few more repetitions the children will come to understand what we say in Godly Play about a candle which is blown out. The light isn’t “gone” — it’s “changed.” You don’t see it as a bright spot any more, but as the little bit of white smoke that spreads out and travels around the room. And where you might not have smelled it before, now you can. The same happens to a person’s spirit when they die. It can’t be found in one place any more, but spreads out and travels. And we cannot see that person in the same way anymore – but we can still sense them somehow, and know in a spiritual sense that they are still with us. We can remember this every time we see the light of a candle “change.”

For anyone who is grieving I would pray for a sense of this continuity, a mystical awareness of “change” rather than “ending” — but I also know, sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way. Sometimes our sense of loss is overpowering, and the crushing weight of absence shouts down the small whisper of presence.

We revisited the ofrenda that evening in Youth Group, as part of a silent prayer practice spanning the sanctuary and a walking labyrinth which we had chalked out in the courtyard. The ofrenda which had been so bright in the morning was muted in the candlelight, and the hopeful sounds of Angel Band and Will the Circle Be Unbroken which we had sung in the morning were replaced by a thick and solemn silence. Some of the youth group members have been through enormous loss in the past few years. Even those who have never tasted the bitterness of grief know that it is all too close and real for their friends in the group. So our time at the ofrenda that evening felt different than it had in the morning.

Grief goes through different seasons and times like this; sometimes bright and sharp, sometimes dark and dull, sometimes filled with gratitude, sometimes overpoweringly sad. Many of these different varieties of grief are not easily accommodated for in our public or private lives. It seems like our culture often expects us to be in distress for a week or two following a death, followed by a couple of months of general sadness, and then it’s back to normal. But our spirits are profoundly touched and affected by grief and loss. My prayer for us is that we may have a wider acceptance and compassion for the different ways we grieve.

If you are grieving in any way – whether due to a loved one’s death or other circumstances in your life – and would like to share a time of meditation and prayer with others during your grief, you are welcome to join a Grief and Spirituality group. It will be meeting on Nov. 10th (Monday) at 3 PM in the office.

Every Blessing,
Talitha